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临水照花悲画扇

来源: 中国电力新闻网作者: 施蕾蕾 日期:18.09.25 [发表评论]
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合击传奇网站   多年来谢瑾对书法艺术锲而不舍的痴痴追求,终于使她在书法上有所成就。

临水照花悲画扇
——《张爱玲传》读后感

  初识爱玲,拜读其作品,惊叹于她世人皆艳羡的才情,而如今手捧书卷,究其一生,心中竟生出无限戚戚怜爱之意。

  说起爱玲,本名张瑛,确不曾想这个叱咤风云的才女名号,竟是母亲为送她进新式学堂而随口从自己的英文名Eiling翻译过来的。或许有人说,爱玲的不同寻常,是承袭了家族的风云过往。作为晚清名臣李鸿章的曾外孙女,也许自她出生之时便注定了不平凡。然而我却觉得,纵观其一生,这不凡的身世于她却是福祸难辨,不知是幸之,还是祸之。

  众人皆知,爱玲有句名言“出名要趁早”。我想爱玲是做到了,从少年的锋芒毕露到青年的炙手可热,我想也只能用一个词来形容她颇为合适,那便是“天才”。殊不知,这喷薄而出的才情是经历过怎样支离破碎的亲情、撕心裂肺的爱情,而最终沉淀于心的感想感言。然而,我想正是这一桩桩、一件件痛彻心扉的生离死别成就了爱玲的盛世才情。

  对于亲情,我想在爱玲心中是概念模糊的。爱玲的母亲,面对抽烟狎妓的丈夫而多次规劝无果时,尽显现代女性独立之风,从黄素琼摇身一变为黄逸梵,念英文,学钢琴,剪裁衣服,毅然决绝地抛下丈夫、抛下孩子,与自己的小姑子张茂渊一起,远渡重洋,寻找自己心中的梦想,最终客死异乡,临死前都未曾与爱玲见上一面。她是用自己的方式逃出了旧式家庭的牢笼,然而,留下的一双子女一生都未曾享受过母爱,作为母亲,她是极度失职的。爱玲能在遇见胡兰成之时,爱到低到尘埃,一发不可收拾,我想与她从小母爱缺失,有着不可推卸的责任。

  对于友情,我想爱玲是幸运的。不尽如人意的童年,造就了她不善言表的孤僻性格,但是就在她前往港大求学之时,收获的这一份友情终身受用。就是这个名叫“炎樱”的锡兰女孩,陪伴了爱玲那几年无忧无虑的求学生涯。还有两个不得不说的挚友,那便是宋淇夫妇,要说炎樱见证了爱玲最美好的青春岁月,那爱玲人生中最为落魄的低谷期便是由宋淇夫妇不离不弃地陪伴才勉强挨过。友情就是一团炽热的火焰,让爱玲近乎冰冷的心又再一次感受到温暖。

  对于爱情,这个孤高傲世的女孩,当她遇到胡兰成时,用自己独特的方式爱得惊天动地、轰轰烈烈,也许正是这种对于爱情的过度炽热,爱人无法承受而弃她远去,尽管她放下身段、委曲求全,始终也无法挽回爱人的心。世人皆说,胡兰成用情不专,行为遭人唾弃。又或许,正是爱玲极度渴望被爱,才给了胡踏雪成泥的机会,而面对胡的移情别恋,爱玲没有悬崖勒马,竟是越陷越深、苦情半生。最后,远在他乡虽遇知音赖雅,却因生活窘迫害怕无法生养,放弃此生唯一的骨肉,也分不清那是真的爱情还只是生活窘迫之时的惺惺相惜。

  2018-10-24,人们在美国洛杉矶的公寓里发现爱玲的尸体,这位傲才一世的“临水照花人”,竟无人知道她的确切死亡时间,走得这样落寞、孤寂。掩卷而泣,此时的我宁愿爱玲是位洒扫庭院、相夫教子的平凡老妇,坐在上海石库门的老宅里享受子孙满堂的天伦之乐。转念一想,斯人已逝,爱便爱了,无求因果,就如她笔下的那些男人和女人,尽管一生悲凉,却也在生活这一袭华美的袍子的衬托下愈发绚丽明亮。

  (作者单位:大唐乌沙山发电)

 

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